Motherly and Fatherly LoveMotherly love by its very nature is unconditional. Mother loves the newborn infant because it is her child, not because the child has fulfilled any specific condition, or lived up to any specific expectation.Unconditional love corresponds in one of 'the deepest longings, not only of the child, but of every human being; on the other hand, to be loved because of one's merit, because one deserves it, always leaves doubt: maybe I did not please the person whom I want to love me, maybe this or that--there is always a fear that love could disappear. Furthermore, "deserved" love easily leaves a bitter feeling that one is not loved for oneself, that one is loved only because one pleases, that one is, in the last analysis, not loved at all but used. No wonder that we all cling to the longing for motherly love, as children and also as adults. The relationship to father is quite different. Mother is thehome we come from, she is nature, soil, the ocean; father does not represent any such natural home. He has little connection with the child in the first years of his life, and his importance for the child in this early period cannot be compared with that of mother. But while father does not represent thenatural world, he represents the other pole of human existence; the world of thought, of man-made things, of law and order, of discipline, of travel and adventure. Father is the one who teaches the child, who shows him the road into the world. Fatherly love is conditional love. Its principle is "1 love you because you fulfill my expectations, because you do your duty, because you are like me." In conditional fatherly love we find, as with unconditional motherly love, a negative and a positive aspect. The negative aspect is the very fact that fatherly love has to be deserved, that it can be lost if one does not do what is expected. The positive side is equally important. Since his love is conditional, I can do something to acquire it, I can work for it; his love is not outside of my control as motherly love is.

母爱和父爱 母爱的天性是无条件的。母亲爱她的新生婴儿，因为那是她的孩子，而不是因为这个小孩符合了什么特别的条件，也不是因为孩子达到了她的某种特别的期望。无条件的爱符合——不只是小孩子，而且是每个人最深切的渴望。另一方面，如果因为自己的优点，因为自己值得爱而被别人爱，我们总会心存疑虑：可能我没有使那个我希望他(她)爱我的人满意吧?可能这个，可能那个——总是害怕那份爱会消失。而且“值得的”爱很容易令人产生一种辛酸的感觉：似乎一个人不是因为自身而被爱，而是因为自己可以令别人高兴，令别人满足才被爱，似乎自己根本不是被爱而是被利用了。无怪乎我们全都依恋、渴望着母爱，不论小孩还是成年人都如此。 孩子同父亲的关系就完全不同了。母亲是我们的发源地，她是自然、是土壤、是海洋；父亲不代表任何这些自然的归宿。在孩子初生的前几年中，父亲和孩子接触很少。在此期间，对于孩子来说，父亲的重要性远远比不上母亲。但是，虽然父亲不代表这自然的世界，他却代表了人类存在的另一极——思想的世界、人造的世界、法律和秩序的世界、纪律的世界、旅行和冒险的世界。教育孩子的人是父亲，向孩子展示通向世界之路的人也是父亲。父爱是有条件的。它的原则是：“因为你达到了我的期望，因为你完成了你的职责，因为你像我，所以我爱你。”在有条件的父爱中，我们(像在无条件的母爱中一样)发现它既有消极的一面，又有积极的一面。消极的一面是父爱的给予只在你值得得到爱的条件下，而且如果你没有做到他所期望的事，你可能会失去这份爱。积极的一面也同样重要。既然他的爱是有条件的，我可以采取一些办法去获取它，我可以为之而努力；他的爱像母爱一样，并没有越出我的控制力。

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